The Next Food Network Star!

Man Cartoon EditedMost men partake in normal pastimes like fly fishing or model railroading. Mine was cooking on television. A few years earlier I became notably miserable in my job and Donna suggested I find a hobby, so I strapped on an apron, grabbed a skillet, and yelled “roll!” I wasn’t a celebrity chef by any means and never cooked professionally aside from shit gigs flipping hamburgers. Didn’t need credentials for my show – it on cable access (think Wayne’s World with a spatula). Donna directed me and our friends helped with camera and sound. We cranked out a show every month or two (or three). It ran on the local cable channel between screens announcing garage sales and lost pets. After a few months we had five or six regular viewers. After a year people started recognizing me at the grocery store. I loved my hobby and dreamed of doing it for a living. People told me I should be on the Food Network, as if it were that simple. Believe me, I would have loved to host my own national television show and make millions of dollars but the odds of landing that role were about the same as pitching for the Dodgers or singing lead for Van Halen.


There was a realistic television career path I could take – public television. It wouldn’t pay millions, but I’d settle for thousands. Every city had a PBS station, including ours. Certainly they would be interested in a local cooking show. If they added my show to their schedule, we could build a huge audience – maybe enough to attract sponsors. Heck, we could sell a companion cookbook at the end of the show and make a living just on that!

I told Donna my plan and insisted it would solve our financial problems.

Her enthusiasm was significantly less than mine.

I shrugged my shoulders. “Okay,” I said launching into plan B. “If the show doesn’t take off, I’ll look for a 9-5 job.”

She rolled her eyes.

“Give me three months.” I pleaded. “I’ll make something happen.”

Three months?”

“Yes.” I insisted. “by New Year’s Eve. If not, we’ll put the house up for sale and go with the Donna plan!”

What she did next really unnerved me – she smiled.

NEXT: The Hangover



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